*** This was our 2026 April Fools joke. Hope it gave you a laugh. ***
The CNCC is excited to unveil a brand‑new initiative aimed at improving accessibility, safety, and convenience for cavers across the North: cave route audio guides.
For years, our volunteers have worked tirelessly to produce high‑quality written descriptions for many of the region’s classic caves. But we know that reading a print‑out underground—while wearing gloves, in a draught—isn’t always ideal. Even laminated sheets have their limits.
So today, after months of development, we are proud to announce that all CNCC route descriptions will soon be available as downloadable audio guides.
“Turn left at the obvious boulder choke…”
Each guide has been professionally narrated to ensure clarity, consistency, and that reassuring tone of voice you’d expect from someone who has definitely never been lost. The audio files are designed to be played through standard caving‑safe speakers or bone‑conduction helmet mounts.
To make navigation easier, the guides include:
- Chapter markers for key junctions
- Slow‑motion mode for crawls
- A special “calm breathing” track for those moments when you realise the squeeze is tighter than you expected
- Optional northern accent pack for authenticity
We are also exploring a premium subscription tier, CNCC Audio+, which will include:
- Celebrity guest narrators
- Director’s commentary from the original route authors
- A special “motivational shouting” mode for prusiking
Launch date
The first audio guides will be available for download on 1st April, with more to follow throughout the year. We welcome feedback from the caving community—particularly regarding whether the “dramatic orchestral soundtrack” option is inspiring or simply terrifying.